Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
