Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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