"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
