and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
