Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
