Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
