Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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