I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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