i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
