Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
