Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
