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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
