it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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