I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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