how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
