What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i now understand why vodka
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
