Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
