dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
