Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
