Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
