Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
