oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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