I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
