Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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