you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
