alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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