I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
