y did u give ur computer a hand job?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
