Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
