it wasn't lemon gatorade
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
