How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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