the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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