I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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