she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
