apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
A bitchslap is in order.
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