In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
