as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
