Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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