he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
