Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
