I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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