i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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