I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
