I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
