I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
