Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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