I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
