Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
