I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
