I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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