I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want her autograph on my taint
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
